fatsuits and oprah and me and david o'russell

my nails are unusually shiny right now

in my 3d class we're making wire extensions of our bodies. The other kids in my class are doing gothic wings and peacock headresses...

im doing a fatsuit!

well its more of a pregnancy belly with some junk in the trunk. I'm going to make it really sturdy so I can wear it over oversized clothing later.

in a few minutes I'm going to see 3 Kings directed by David O'Russell who did Huckabees, so that should be good.

today before I went to class I was watching oprah and it was about swingers so i really wanted to go to class late but then i found a tape so im pretty excited to see it. ill never look at my neighbors the same way again.

every time i'm on my way to the shower I'm like geez don't forget to shave don't forget to shave and then I always do. I always realize I forgot when I'm toweling off though so I really could, but then the towel would be all soggy and you know my hair would be all cold, and I just don't really think its worth that. But in art history today we were looking at this feather this guy made completely from his back hair so I guess if I forget enough I can turn it into an art project.

my hair looks like the lead singer of the fiery furnace's hair and you can't have it

Things that prove im not a witch:
1. My still very much alive Math teacher
2. The fat on my stomach
3. my living situation
4. the fact that I don't own Arthur
5. the fact that I have no boyfriend
6. sometimes I miss the bus
7. I still own a car
8. I'm not married to Stephen Murdoch
9. hangovers
10. the existance of Athens, Georgia

I used to take sooo many naps that I would never get that nappy feeling when I woke up you know the tiredness in the throat the laziness of the body that only begs for you to crawl back in to bed and resume. But the feeling has returned, and frankly I'm ok with that. I love that feeling.

I never unpacked my clean clothes from easter oops. I need to take my searsucker skirt to the cleaners because I spilled frappuccinno on it and everytime I look in the mirror it's all i see.

Did I tell you that I might have found the car that hit mine in the parking lot? Because yes, it's true I might have. The coppers told me what kind of car it probably was judging by where it hit and the paint color it left and then this girl who was driving in a car matching that description almost ran me over in the parking deck. Later when I passed by her car I was like oh yeah I should look. And there were paint marks right where they would have been if she hit maude! But it was night and I couldn't see the color clearly. I'll go back late tonight or tomorrow morning and find her car because I wrote down the tag number and make and model of her car. Then I'm going to press charges for hit and run. Justice! I'm pretty sure this would upgrade my status to full fledged sleuth.

Have I told you lately that I loved you? Have I told you lately I'm always thinking of you? You fill me heart with gladness you take away all my sadness.

That wasn't for you. But I'll give you 3 clues as to who it was meant for:

1. She's the best woman you'll ever know
2. She used to date Steadman
3. Her name spelled backwards is the name of her production company, HARPO

hahahahahahahaha

Oprah WILL NEVER DIE

Sincerely,
Katherine F. Turner, esq.
sleuth
pilgrim impersonator
oprah lover

that's me trying

i look like a victim of domestic violence. the chairs in the dorm room rock but not that far back. the bottom of my arm is as black and blue and hilarious.

this weekend i was putting on some makeup and then it smudged and it kind of looked like I had a black eye. It was awesome and it reminded me of that time Becky took pictures of herself with a homemade black eye and then couldn't afford to pay for them all so she had to give some back to the clerk. hahahahaha. my apologies to becky if I made any of that up.

i have two drawings due wednesday. the assignment is a universal symbol and then a second drawing of a personal symbol that means the same thing. I'm drawing myself with the universal symbol for choking and then the second me with a hotdog. I haven't started and I need to.

the title of this post comes from the best song off the new William Shatner cd Has Been, the song "features" Aimee Mann and Ben Folds.

Whoa I'm going to watch I heart Huckabees and intermittently nap. yessss

Things on my breakfast tray:
1. scrambled eggs portion: roughly 2 1/2
2. 2 pieces of toast medium toasted with a tblsp. peach jelly spread
3. 1 80z. skim milk
4. 1 8oz. smelly water
5. fork!
6. knife!

very much vodka...

it was a strange night. hung out with callie et all and mary and megan. it was only strange because something was just really off.

i'm really tired, i woke up still drunk this morning and then had the mother of all hangovers shortly thereafter.

watched part of the badluck bears, decided it was the best movie ever and returned to bed.

spoke to roommate briefly, ran to shower

ran back from shower put on appropriate driving attire, gas station purchased big gulp sprite, realized I left my credit card with callie who was already back in the atl

drove back to atlanta, hung out with eddie and then fam, hung out with mare and holly.

this weekend has been a small view of the summer that awaits, but it should be better. it has to be. It's not that this weekend has been bad, it has been sketch though. I have to do something about all of this and i have to start by brushing my teeth. bobby got my flask open. i was soo happy and relieved. i never want to return to athens, too much embarrassment. i'm extremely tired, but I don't really feel like i want to sleep. oh well. i guess i will nothing else to do.

king of carrot flowers

walking back from my drawing class I saw a medium sized girl in a tshirt. Piggly Wiggly, of the famed grocery store decorated the front of her shirt. His face on the tshirt invited an unbecoming comparison to the girl's own stout one. It was unfortunate for all.

Callie, Megan Tribble, and Mary are coming up to Athens this afternoon. It should be fun. I should clean the room though.

I've had a nonstop headache all week long, I guess I have some kind of allergy. Suck.

The East West bus rides by the public housing, which is right on the edge of the campus. Usually all of the doors are shut and blinds drawn, but today there were alot of people outside milling around. They moved in slow motion, movement that was only accentuated by their obese bodies. A few people waved at the bus as it drove by, which made it even more depressing somehow.

give her a feather she's a cherokee

hahahahaha

I just got finished the Regents exam in fifteen minutes. It was ridiculous.

My topic was: If you didn't watch television, what would you do?

My answer: Read, Write, Knit

My true answer: Listen to more Cher, sleep, do drugs

yeah I would have a lot of extra time. but yeah my essay was really funny. I wish I could get it back from the regents people, but maybe they will want to print it in some best of book. It was really funny( to me). Watch me fail. That would also make me laugh.

I ended it by saying that although my life would be technically more worthwhile without television I have no plans to quit watching and was going directly back to my dorm to watch The Simple Life. If I was a grader I would fail me for watching the Simple Life. hahaha Who cares?

15 easy pieces

so the last post was witty and long and so interesting, but got erased so you'll have to take my word for it.

I'm in the SLC I have to take the Essay for the Regents Exam in about 15 minutes. I haven't written an essay in a couple of months so I'm a little nervous, but its ridiculous because the whole test is ridiculous. 77% of people pass and look at the competition, everyone in Georgia has to take it.

So anyway let's recount what I covered the first time I wrote this:
1. I sleep alot
2. GA State-- what classes shall I take and why are you so unorganized?
3. I walked out of my computer science citing political ideaologies.
4. I wish I were Jewish for the weekend so I wouldn't have to drive back to Atlanta this weekend
5. I hate gas prices
6. I spend too much money lately
7. I need a job
8. Do you know where I can get a job? High pay, flexible hours. hahaha me neither.
9. I'm wearing my new blue sweater (with green trim) today and people keep looking at me like I'm retarded. It might be the combonation that it makes with this skirt that isn't at all the same color green. oops.
10. I like the Smothers Brothers
11. Really I shouldn't have gone past 10
12. I have a Math Quiz tomorrow. I don't understand it at all. Yet, I feel the need to do well.
13. I need to get to 15
14. The guy sitting next to me smells strongly of man perfume.
15. They call it cologne, but lets get serious... this doesn't smell manly at all. Maybe its one of those Bisexual (or maybe that should be Asexual) perfumes by Calvin Klein.

im gonna leave your home if you give me one good hug

5 things to do before 5

1. shower
2. math hwk
3. call ga state
4. eat
5. nap

ok i would love to go 5 then a 1 and 4 and completely ignore 2 and 3. but you know. i shouldn't. I really must 1 and 5.

back in athens.

the bottom of my feet are disgusting, but I bought the cutest skirt at TJMAXX yesterday it looks like an apron from the 50s soo cute.

i really want to go see a movie. hmm... how can i fit this in? Oh wait I can't. motherfucker. i'm watching this show on upn PAT CROCE MOVES IN. its pretty awesome.

slow down your eating to fast
you've got to make your dinner last
and feeling hungry

haha those words were composed last night at my mother's birthday dinner. hmm...some of that cake would be good right now.

ok i should do something off the list.

inside track to loserville

im watching reality bites. I love this movie. god. anyway.

so its sunday night. tomorrow is my mother's 50th birthday. I'm dissasatisfied with her gift. Perhaps I will go shopping tommorrow. I think she'll be dissapointed when there is nothing tomorrow until we take her out to dinner I guess. yeah im a terrible daughter/person. what are you going to do.

so i don't know what I'm going to do about this summer. i don't think they want me to work at the baby's room so i have no idea where I could work. i must work. ill go crazy if i don't work. i HAVE to make money.

yes i am winona ryder's character in this movie minus the ben stiller and ethan hawke being in love with me problem.

but i went to cafe tu tu tango on friday night with callie and hung out with some of shane's friends. and they were all nice enough. some of them worked at a prison? haha. yeah i dunno. who am i to be choosy?

spring break sucked. seriously 3 days straight in the dentist chair? then a 10 hour work day. then spent the whole day in the car. If i could trap time in a bottle. but please can tuesday morning never come. can i just live here on this couch watching reality bites in my pajamas for you know the next few months/years?

gas prices fucking suck.

didn't think it would turn out bad

I got my hair dyed this morning. My cousin really pissed me off becuase she didn't show up, so someone else did it. bitches. I went brunette. its got red highlights. I thought it might make me look less pasty pale, but I think it only made me look more pale, but who could tell with this bitchy weather. The fucking dog wont shut up.

spring break has kind of sucked, but what could I expect. I'm in a really terrible mood today. I went to the dentist this afternoon and he was like umm yeah you actually have 3 more cavities but one may need a root canal, but if it does you have to pay more because its in the back of your mouth. fucking bitches.

so i have to go back to the dentist tomorrow and friday and get my wisdom teeth which grew in sideways out when I get out of school for summer. i fucking hate this. I wish they would just give me dentures. geez. i fucking hate teeth. I don't really mind getting the work done, I just hate the expense. Ugh i hate money. always ruining everything.

now im sitting alone in the dark. I feel like it should be much later, I don't feel like reading. I wish it wasn't such bitchy weather then I might go for a walk.

sorry this was overdue and depressing. see ya.

the title is from a jon brion song from the huckabees soundtrack.

i was punched in the face. what's your excuse?

Solid week for movies. solid. I finally saw all of Rushmore and I really loved it. It's just like Junior Royal Tenenbaums. I mean its not junior really it was just the prequel or something, with kind of unrelated characters.

generally i have been in a good mood. I have been looking forward, counting down to Spring Break for the last 5 weeks, now its Spring Break Eve and I could not be less enthused. I think I was just excited about the idea of Spring Break. I don't want to go home. There's nothing to do there, and I feel guiltier for doing nothing there than I do here.

i wish i had somewhere to go, as usual. And as usual I have no third option. Soon I wont even have a second.

The baby's room called today about working next weekend. I already told them three times I would, but I think Jeffrey just enjoys leaving harrassing messages on the room machine.

I ate some Cool Ranch Doritos today at Becky's urging, and they were delicious. Although I feel my waistline will pay in the near future.

gilmore girl (jr) was in rushmore.

tonight in the theater, i accidentaly arrived early and these two groups of people were having a loud conversation and then they started talking about Tennessee and sightseeing oppurtunities and this girl who seemed pretty dull and useless told this other guy (trollish) that while he was in Memphis he should visit Dollywood. The word caught my attention and then they went on to say that they don't know anyone who liked Dolly Parton. I couldn't hold my tongue. I exclaimed, "Wait! I DO!" Turned heads from everyone. Me, haha, oh god. just cut out my tongue. They, "yeah anyway i know this kid who likes yanni, go figure."

sometimes I think that i should pay a stenographer to follow me around and record these awful moments so that I might use them in some "fictionalized" memoir. Or some awful tv show. My life would make a great comic strip, but wait they already have Cathy. Maybe it could be the Prequel to Cathy. (Sweat!)

when i was applying to schools and people who I didn't like very much or hold much respect for asked me where I was going, I would reply with the most common casualty, "Le Sorbonne." I am Max Fischer.

the pride of hoboken

EXHILIRATING

So I just got out of Mr. Smith Goes to Washington. I mean yeah its a Frank Capra movie, it was sappy and patriotic, but I totally love Jimmy Stewart. The characters he always play are so sincere. And that's all I could think about the whole movie, is about how this movie was made today it couldn't be. People are so sarcastic(me included). I mean I guess Mr. Deeds with Adam Sandler was kind of like it, but you know it had to be wrapped in this ridiculous context. So anyway it just made me want to undo the corruption of this world. I mean you know the whole movie just made me want kick some corruption ass and be a non-corrupt politician for once. But you can't be a politician with an art degree.

So anyway summary: See Mr. Smith Goes to Washington
Ignore the ending its a little abrupt.

I finally finished I AM Charlotte Simmons. sweet. it wasn't that good. meh.

There was something else to say... hmm... Guess not oh yeah..

fuck the shins

YO LA TENGO'S

"You Can Have it All"

WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE

Find a Sponsor time!

I'm designing a tshirt for the Roadtrip this summer to Tennessee. It's super cool and if you'd like to see it please click here.

But MORE IMPORTANTLY if you know someone who would be interested in being a sponsor and therefore have their personal or company logo printed on the back please leave a comment or call me ASAP.

I know its an awesome shirt so if you would just like to buy one even though you don't know me, please leave a comment and I would be more than glad to order one on your behalf.

Fun Guessing GAME !!!!

contents of dorm refridgerator:
1. 1 Gallon container of Skim Milk - roughly half full
2. 1 Gallon container of apple juice- full
3. Extremely old package of mini carrots- half full
4. Expired vat of dip for mini carrots
5. 1 can Miller Lite
6. 2 cans of Coca-Cola Classic

Guess which ones are mine!

craving the coffee that I will never have

i don't watch the news, and i don't think that great minds think alike. I'm tired and rather cranky for not having done anything all day. But who am I kidding I haven't done anything in months. hahaha. woe is me.

I feel like getting a frappuccino, but the starbucks feels like its forever away. I guess I could wait for the bus, but come on, I don't really want to do I? No, No I don't.

for you suckers who don't get the chance to talk to me next week is my spring break. This week cannot and will not go by fast enough. The fucking thing wont get off its ass and magically turn to Friday morning at 10 no matter how much i plead with it.

I wrote some really bad papers for art history but I'm going to turn them in because i don't care anymore. its really hot in here. probably resolved: window opened. And now i found out the cold hard truth: It's raining as always.

So that marks out walking and frankly taking the bus to get my frappuccino. And I'm too tired and out of it to drive anywhere.

this morning in drawing we had the same model from friday with the handgun tatoo over her right breast and unshaved legs. I'm never sure how much shading to include on these legs. It worries me.

My reading weekend ughhh

friday night I stayed in to read the Stranger. umm yeah it was good, obviously, and I recommend it if you have a couple of hours free.

Saturday- Target shopping, bought yet another issac mizrahi skirt and a bathing suit, which I thought was kind of funny because I haven't been swimming in a few years, but whatever. Say something new. then went to the science library because they had I AM Charlotte Simmons you know the new Tom Wolfe book in their leisure section.

So I've been reading it ever since. It's kind of strange because I mean I read some of the reviews and I agree with them thus far. Charlotte is this girl from "the other side of the mountain" (sparta, nc), who was you know the valedvictorian and read alot and really hated and resented everyone around her including her family except for the english teacher who gave her hope beyond the mountain. So essentially blah blah boring, except Charlotte is completely bland and retarded.

Here's a quote, "Then wear all black," said Mimi.
"I don't know..." said Charlotte. "I was looking at a magazine, and that's what they wear in New York. I'm not from New York."

She's just completely dull and I totally hate her. I want her to fail. She speaks like an old man who wears white suits except she has the most popular guys from the school falling all over themselves trying to get her in the sack, which of course she ignores because of the supreme virtue of Charlotte Simmons and her backwards mountain upbringing. Also the school is completely unrealistic. It is made up but it is supposed to be in standing with Harvard and Princeton but everyone acts like they're at UGA. These people couldn't possibly be this stupid and have gotten in to a school in that standing. It seems obvious enough that a 60 year old man shouldn't write a book about people who are still in their teens, but i guess Tom Wolfe just wanted to party.

BUT IT DOESNT MATTER BECAUSE I looked up my math test grade and i got a 98! I was so excited. I guess it does pay to study. motherfucker whatever. So now i don't have to drop math and perhaps I can make an A or a B whatever as long as I don't get a C i don't care.

i could dress in black and read camus

in an effort to become (more like) Stephen Merritt of the Magnetic Fields I walked to the library where I took out L'Etranger (The Stranger, for you non-francophiles). Anyway yeah Camus, whaa.

This morning I was looking for this piece of paper from last semester, but I tore apart my room to find it, but it ended up being good because I cleaned up my room and closet and drawers and found the paper.

Then I took a nap.

A restless nap.

Then I watched a little bit of Oprah.

Then I walked to the library (see above)

Then I umm ate some more cereal.

Yeah this cereal thing. I want some Chick-Fil-A so bad I could punch someone in the face. But not you. Don't look the other way like that. I wouldn't really hit you.

I have alot of work to do this weekend. Well alot of work by my standards. haha. oh art, you don't make me work that hard. yet.

I forgot to shower today, and now I feel the window of oppurtunity is gone.

I have a 8oz. can of Pineapple slices staring me in the face. fucker fuck shit. I kind of want to watch the Graduate, I haven't seen it in a long time.

I really want to take a shower, so I guess I'll do that, but then I just put on makeup. conundrum.

sorry i forgot how to write interesting things. you aren't the only sorry one.

hmmm... yeah I guess I'll go and read some more. I've decided that I'm going to read as much as I can before I leave UGA because why the hell not? I feel like I'm getting dumber, and that's my fault. Something must be done to stop it. So I have set my sights on 10 books by the end of April. Well honestly I was thinking the end of March, but you know I still have to go to class and everything.

pure being

I spent the night looking up Ga State curriculum and it isn't looking pretty.

Possible scenarios if I like Ga state this summer:

1. take Interior Design classes, cross my fingers on getting in to the program. *added bonus: never take foreign language again

2. take graphic Desing classes, cross my fingers and start attending church to pray that i get in *no foreign language ** do something I actually could use and would enjoy-- but if I take all these classes, that you have to take and then I don't get in then it would have been a COMPLETE waste of 2 years, the only other thing to do would be to get a BA Art degree which is so general, and something I totally don't want to graduate with.

3. Ditch art and take film classes. yeah i would really love to do this, but then I would feel like I had wasted this whole year and you know i just don't know about having a degree in film.

This whole thing is so freaking stressful and I still have no idea what I'm going to do. But I do know one thing: Ga state is kind of retarded. they are only going to give me 9 hours of credit where UGA gave me 12 and therefore I hate them with the passion of a thousand mad black women's diaries.

I just want a freaking degree so everyone will get off my fucking back. Can't I just have a piece of paper that says I like to read or I've spent enough hours in classrooms? fucking man always fucking getting me down.

After watching I heart Huckabees for the 3rd time this week I feel an increasing amount of resonance with the characters. Today I am a nihilist. But who knows about tommorrow?

I read Cosmopolitan this afternoon before i took a nap. I hope to never read this publication again. I'm much too much a puritan for it. My pure-as-the-driven-snow-mind was tarnished by the bawdiness with which they tackled such subjects such as 65 tips to drive your man crazy or advertisments for their version of the Kama Sutra.

Also it reminded me that I have no boyfriend. Christ. ugh. I should just be a nun. Then at least it would seem like it was purposeful. Besides I doubt nuns really need degrees. Although I do find the fact that most of the orders don't wear uniforms anymore distressing.

And this fucking cereal diet makes me really sick to my stomach all the time. This has been a soul crushing night, and I have a feeling tomorrow will be no better.

Caramel Frappuccinos are THE universal panacea

Seriously guys just try it. It will cure what ails you. But just get the tall because the grande is almost 500 calories. eichichee

Tonight in my 3d class we looked through slides of my professor's work which is currently on display in a gallery in midtown Atlanta. Its really cool stuff, and I want to go over spring break perhaps, so anyone who is in town is welcome to join me. You can see some of her work here.

I'm watching a really good lifetime movie about that rich playboy who drugged women and then taped himself raping them. I can't remember his name, but it was a brandname. hmm.. investigation time. Andrew Luster. I think he's some great grandson of the Max Factor guy or something. I dunno.

Nothing else to say. except for the stand by: eat it.

just deal with it motherfucker, just deal with it.

oh man who can keep up with my obsessive posting? no one.

So because I stopped taking the prescription advil I drank a piping hot mug of vodka. a woman's got to keep warm. haha. anyway don't mix diet dr. pepper and vodka. its disgusting. anyway then of course the fire alarm went off so i went to my car but remembered that I couldn't drive anywhere.

so i bought some magazines at the gas station and some snapple with my parent's gas card-- the only money i get from them and returned to the fires of hell commonly referred to as creswell jesus christ its hot in here.

anyway so here i am now watching the simple life and bored as hell as usual. as always. oh my god. the gas store had a disgusting array of magazines... they were all shrinkwrapped. if that gives you a clue. so the only regular ones i could find were glamour and cosmopolitan. So that is what i purchased. my head hurts.

what else what else what else. im really tired. i didn't take any naps today. i almost fell asleep in the back of my car. this is pathetic i should go lay down. on the futon.

And so I said shut it sun you don't own me

the cereal diet is going swimmingly. i just got back from the Super Wal-Mart where I stocked up on Special K Red Berries. I bought 4 boxes because it was really on sale, and then bought Oh's as a snack cereal and Honey Bunches of Oats as an Old Friend. I made sure to use the self checker-outer because when I see people buying mass quantities of something it makes me uneasy. People are always buying bleach in bulk, like they fill up their whole cart with bleach like the stores are going to stop selling it.

Then I made my way over to the housewares department and bought 2 matching bowls, a mug, and 6 spoons all for under four dollars! Wal-Mart blows my mind. Like I know its immoral to shop at WalMart because its a terrible company for so many reasons. But you know morals don't keep me swimming in cereal. Do they? No! You don't. Stupid morals always ruining things for me.

Oh yes, thanks amanda. I changed the format. I got sick of the old one. Change is good, or so I hear.

Please notice and use the links to the right, they are links to the blogs I read all the time.

YOU'RE NO ROCK N ROLL STAR

Lately I have been able to remember my dreams much better than I would like to be able to. The reason I am able to recollect them so vividly is because they wake me up. They're disturbing. And this in turn disturbs me.
And its coming to the point where its making me enjoy sleeping the clock around less-- which I will not stand for. A person will only take so much.

Today when I woke up from one such dream I looked in my trash can and realized I had consummed a whole package of Ritz Wheat Crackers in less than a week, and I wasn't even here over the weekend. I decided to go on the all cereal diet. I can eat as many bowls of cereal as I want (within reason) as long as I use skim milk and at least 2/3rds of the bowls are of Special K or a Special K-like cereal.

I came up with this on the spur of the moment in the cafeteria, but I think its going to work out just fine. Cereal is the food of my people.

Who are my people? hmm... stereotypes let's see. yeah cereal is the food of my people. or meatballs. hahahaha.

what's your favorite food jerri? Crepe Suzettes! What's your real favorite food Jerri? Meat-balls. (sadly)

Today's Mail:
1. Credit Card offer
2. Chick-Fil-A coupon for free breakfast item
3. Dianetics offer

I'm drinking some hot chocolate because I forgot about my diet already. Oh well I deserved something my scuplture class lasted 4 fucking hours.

Just so you know the Carpenters are telling me that your baby doesn't love you anymore. So I'm sorry. I hope you deal with it well. I just told my roommate that I found her secret stash of Carpenter's memorabilia under the futon. Insert hearty laugh here.

i only got to watch a few minutes of oprah today, it was about compulsive liars a topic I find endlessly interesting. So if you know anything about compulsive liars or can make something believable up then plese tell me.

ps. I love sleater kinney
pps. thanks, amanda
ppps. becky, eat it, you'll never know the comment I made. haha

Snow and Grades

SNOW plus an "A" on my Art History Mid Term rendered me the happiest I could possibly be on the walk to Math class.

It was a loverly morning.